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THE Poppletonian

Rejoice! Rejoice! Rejoice! Special Research Excellence Framework edition Subscription

18 December 2014 | By

“Amazing.” “Extraordinary.” “Fantastic.” “Makes my Christmas.” “Truly wonderful.” These were just a few of the joyous responses from Poppleton staff…

Poppleton college slammed Subscription

11 December 2014 | By

Poppleton’s leading private for-profit higher education college, the Great British College of Business, Computing, Technology and Management, has been “shamed” in a new report

A most unequal match Subscription

4 December 2014 | By

One of our leading pro vice-chancellors, Dr Janet Balsam, has denounced the “naive and immature” portrait of higher education recently articulated by Toni Pearce, president of the National Union of Students

Welsh terriers: shock analogy Subscription

27 November 2014 | By

Suggestions that there might be “parallels” between the language used to postgraduate student complainants by the Dean of Swansea University’s School of Management and the reproof issued by our Head Gardener to the dogs that routinely trespass on the university management’s croquet lawn have been vigorously denied

I can see clearly now! Subscription

20 November 2014 | By

Suggestions that Plymouth University is currently beset by “uncertainty” after the recent return to office of its vice-chancellor, Wendy Purcell, have been described as “maliciously misinformed”…

Boycott broken – shock allegation Subscription

13 November 2014 | By

Shouts of “scab” and “blackleg” greeted one of our senior academics when he arrived on campus this morning

Searching for a comment Subscription

6 November 2014 | By

“I have no comment whatsoever to make on the tribunal’s decision, and no comment whatsoever to make on my consistent failure to make any comment at all on the entire disciplinary proceedings.”

Pile ’em high Subscription

30 October 2014 | By

“It’s nothing more than a medium-sized temporary blip.” That was how Nathan Prest, our Head of Student Recruitment, responded to allegations that our university’s new “Super Greed” policy…

Points mean prizes Subscription

23 October 2014 | By

“Please don’t compare Poppleton with other universities.” That was the vigorous response of Louise Bimpson to suggestions that the Metrics system of Academic Staff Evaluation (MASE) at our university was…

Can we have our feedback, please? Subscription

16 October 2014 | By

One of our senior academics has been officially reprimanded for “repetitive feedback failure”

Power to the purple Subscription

9 October 2014 | By

Our deputy head of corporate branding has admitted to a “degree of professional jealousy” upon learning that Leeds Beckett University has decided to promote its newly selected identity by bathing all its campus buildings in a purple light

Furniture wars Subscription

2 October 2014 | By

“There is no connection between the two events.” That was the forceful response from our Director of Creative Finance, Mr D. C. F. Tapstock, when reporter Keith Ponting (30) suggested to him that ther

Might your vice-chancellor be next to go? Subscription

25 September 2014 | By

In view of the mounting concern about the number of vice-chancellors leaving their posts – vacancies currently exist at Durham, Southampton, Buckingham, Bristol and The Open University

Shock call by Poppleton don Subscription

18 September 2014 | By

In an exclusive interview with our reporter, Keith Ponting (30), Professor Gordon Lapping of the Department of Media and Cultural Studies has spoken frankly about the need for academics to “stand up and be counted”

HR Restructuring Conference Subscription

11 September 2014 | By

Hello everyone in Human Resources. It’s your Head of HR, Louise Bimpson, now happily ensconced at the University College of Catterick together with two thousand fellow university human resource managers. Quite a crowd!

Brands 'R Us Conference Subscription

4 September 2014 | By

Hi. Georgina Edsel here! Your very own Head of Branding. Greetings from the University of Uttoxeter and the Annual Conference of Senior University Branding Managers

Rectifying the Gender Imbalance: Beyond the Glass Ceiling Subscription

28 August 2014 | By

Hello Women’s Studies from your Head of Department! Yes, here I am at the University College of Tadcaster for this year’s Beyond the Glass Ceiling Conference

Subject: Leadership Conference Subscription

21 August 2014 | By

Hello Maureen. Professor Lapping here. Greetings from Keele. Yes, I finally got to the leadership conference despite going the wrong way up the M6…

No sex please – we’re monetarists Subscription

14 August 2014 | By

Suggestions that economists at our university might have been among those who offered or accepted sex in order to secure co-authorship credits have been described as “mere gossip” by our Head of Economics, Professor D. B. Ruckgang

Poppleton rises to ‘challenge of irony’ Subscription

7 August 2014 | By

Our Director of Corporate Affairs, Jamie Targett, has warmly welcomed the latest addition to our ever-expanding management team

Your doctorate’s been doctored Subscription

31 July 2014 | By

In a shock move, the governors of our university have revoked the honorary doctorate that was bestowed upon the minister for science and universities, David Willetts, shortly after his accession to the post in May 2010

Help the medicine go down Subscription

24 July 2014 | By

Our Head of Zodiac Studies, Professor Mike Draco, has warmly welcomed the appointment of Greg Clark as the new minister for universities and science

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